Overnight trains leave a lot to be desired. In this instance, I got on board at 7pm and wasn’t going to get off again until 10 the next morning. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing except when you’re in a train compartment with five other people and your legs are intertwined it gets hard to sleep. Add in the fact that people are constantly leaving the train and the sun is coming up and someone forgot to draw the blinds and really, not the best night’s sleep.

On the plus side, though, I did meet a nice guy named Ricardo who bought me an ice cream when we hit the Amsterdam Central

Ice cream friends

Station. He and I had been talking about writing at dinner the night before and then he told me about this special ice cream which sounded like the Dutch version of Coldstone. And it was good, too. But then, after ice cream, we said good –bye, I hoisted my pack and made my way through the Red Light District to my hostel, conveniently called The Heart of Amsterdam, and checked in.

The cool thing about this place is that all of the rooms are named after movies. I was assigned The Wall. Too bad really, since I was hoping for The Godfather, but you take what you can get, right? They have these lockers in the rooms which are electronic, with magnetic keys. They seem to be pretty secure so I throw my big and little bags in and then decide to go exploring. I found out about a free walking tour which was leaving from Dam Square later that afternoon so I head out.

Dam Square is the big central square in town, bordered by the city hall building on one side and a very phallic like sculpture on the other. In between is a huge open area where street performers, living statues and hot dog vendors all fleece tourists out of

The monument in Dam Square

hard earned Euro. I wandered around a little bit while waiting for the tour to start. Branching off from the

The sign makes the scene

square were a bunch of streets all filled with souvenir shops and fast food restaurants. The main road which divides the square leads directly from the Train Station and goes right past Madame Tussauds (which had one of the longest lines I’d see there).

Finally the tour started and the guide was a guy named John from the States. It seems like a number of the tour guides I saw in foreign countries were native English speakers, which I guess would be a great job for an ex-pat. We got a little bit of history while standing around the sculpture and then started walking in earnest. We saw a piece of art which was imbedded in the ground (completely anonymous, too – no one knows where

Sculpture in the ground

it came from, who did it or what it means). We wandered through the red light district, which has been around as long as the city itself. It started as an economic thing. Since Amsterdam is a port city, sailors would come to town and need a place to spend their money. Girls seemed a good option so they started regulating it. Of course, just to make sure both sides of the coin came back to the local economy, they built a church right across the street. Those poor sailors got it coming

John leading the tour

and going (to hell)!

And then there’s the famous “coffee shops,” places where you can buy marijuana in a variety of qualities and quantities. Do be perfectly clear… buying, selling, smoking or growing pot is still illegal the police just choose to look the other way. See, Amsterdam prides itself on its liberalism and general acceptance of everyone and everything - but they are also practical. Looking the other way on pot lets them focus on keeping the harder things off the streets. We could learn a lot from these people. Of course, the ultimate irony is that in the current, politically

No smoking... tobacco

correct, healthy atmosphere tobacco is not allowed in the coffee houses but pot is! Odd, I know.

Anyway, on my tour, I met Iwola, a recent transplant who was working her way across Europe from Poland a month at a time. She’s a photographer and we ended up meeting up later that night for dinner and book shopping. Since she’d been a town a few days longer than I, she knew the really cool places. We found this little side alley where a guy had a bunch of carts set up with all sorts of books in all sort of languages. I picked up a couple of old scifi pulps and a text on the supernatural in fiction and we spent WAY too much time looking at the photos in old kids travel books trying to determine the dates (cars and clothes were good, but not always the most accurate, indicators – we got really geeky when we started discussing the quality of color saturation in the printing).

I made it back to “The Heart” just as dusk was falling. Thankfully, I booked into a place where they didn’t care about smoking (yes, of all the places I stayed, Amsterdam hostels had to specify their drug policies) so I ended up not having to buy anything. I got some great contact highs sitting in my bed and typing. Much mellower than the days when I actually did the stuff myself

me and Cassie

(which was twenty years ago, so the statute of limitations has dropped off). I did meet Cassie though. She was in my room (gotta love mixed dorms) and we made plans to go out the next day.

I didn’t get up early enough that next day to actually enjoy the hostel provided breakfast but when I did get up, Cassie and I hit the ground running… er… peddling. See, in Amsterdam, biking is the way to go and there

Invisible Man sculpture

are plenty of places around to rent bikes. However, it took us a while to find one since neither of wanted to ask for directions right off (we knew where we were going) and by the time we realized how lost we were, it was more of a challenge to actually just find the place. I explained how I normally would ask but now it was a point of pride. I told her “I’m the gayest straight man you’ll ever meet” to which she replied “That’s good, ‘cuz I’m the straightest gay girl you’ll ever know!”

We finally did (and the guy gave us a great deal) and we headed out to SEE Amsterdam. We rode through parks and by canals,

Bike tricks

almost got hit by cars and even got lost once or twice. Of course, getting lost is the best way to really see a place. You get into the back alleys and out of the way spots. It’s one of the reasons I

A couple of dicks...

like to just wander. You don’t really get a chance to actually experience a city until you get off the main roads and tourist centers. So we did. We also hit Amsterdam’s Erotic Museum and she bought me a space cake (pot laden pastry – which, I must say really didn’t affect me at all).

That night was more of the same, but the next day… that’s when we discovered the REAL Amsterdam.

Why go to Helsingor? Well, for one, everyone’s doing it and we all know how I am about peer pressure! But really, the more important reason, is that even the castle in Helsingor, which is actually called Kronborg, is real, but it’s much more well know for a fictional tale set there, that of Hamlet, by one W. Shakespeare.

Now here’s the fun part… getting there. It’s one of the closest places between Denmark and Sweden, only like four kilometers, and the town on the Swedish side is called Helsingborg, so don’t think that wasn’t confusing! But anyway, there’s a ferry which goes across between the two villages every twenty minutes or so and you can get a pass called “Around the Sound,” which basically lets you go from Copenhagen to Helsingor – Helsingborg to Malmo, all around for two days from the first time you use it. It’s like the Stockholm card in that respect. But you’re only supposed to travel in one direction around, so theoretically you get one ferry ride and one over the bridge transport. No problem.

Kronborg from the water

As you can probably guess, I got one of these passes. Of course, I paid no attention to the fine print and headed by train up to Helsingborg to take the ferry across. It was a short ride, nothing like the ferry to Putgarten, but then, really, what is? The nice thing was that the guy didn’t mark my ticket in anyway so I was pretty sure I could ride the ferry back, which is what I was intending to do.

Pulling into the harbor, the castle overwhelms the city. It’s huge and imposing. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy to find, so I asked directions. I felt slightly silly when the guy at the train station (which was adjacent to the ferry station) said you go out the door, turn right and walk. It was hard to miss.

So I did. Pretty much as long as you could see it, you knew where you were going. I walked along the waterfront (where,

Don't drive over the wall

evidently, they don’t like cars going into the drink) until finally I got to the castle. The sky was threatening but so far, it hadn’t unleashed its fury. So I quickly went in and bought my complete ticket package, which included the royal apartments, the casements, the chapel, and the tower/marine museum. I also wanted to do a bit of wandering outside, which was free. So I paid for my tickets (which was actually just one ticket with perforations on all four corners, each to come off as you saw the corresponding sight) and went out into the courtyard (which was set up for that evening’s open air performance of Romeo and Juliet) to decide on my course of action. I figured to do the casements first. The underground areas, storerooms and guard quarters seemed like the best place to begin a castle tour.

Inside, as the self-guided tour started, there was a vending machine. I went to see what it was selling, wondering what kind of a product would make sense in an otherwise empty room. It was just one thing – flashlights. Small ones, batteries included. Naw, I thought. My eyes are fine. I can watch my step and see what there is to see. So I headed into the caves.

Four minutes later I was back, digging through my pockets for the 20 Kroner to get my very own pocket LED battery powered light. Inside the caves, there were few areas of illuminations and none of the exhibits had any type of lighting, so if you wanted to know what the pictures on the walls were of, you needed your own. Okay, there was one exhibit which had light, and that was the statue of Holger Danske, a kind of King Arthur figure (in fact, Arthur probably stems from him, as do a number of legends around the world) of the sleeping King who will arise when his country needs him – so far Denmark’s been pretty

Really nice Shadow self-portrait in the casements

lucky and he’s still asleep down here. Further on into the casements were areas of utter darkness where they had stuck random wax figures. This was scarier than any haunted house! It was absolutely creepy and, to be perfectly honest, my little 3xAAA powered push button light wasn’t doing much in the department of keeping the monsters away. I made it through, sanity intact, although I did wonder about the guards who had had to live down there before the age of electricity. I know they had torches and such but still… creepy! As I made my way back up the ramp towards ground level, I pondered which of my three remaining visits I would use next.

My choice was made for me when, as I stepped outside, the sky opened up and buckets of rain decided to fall. Exploring the grounds was going to have to wait, as was the tower (which, really, was just the roof of the highest point of the castle). So the Royal Apartments it was. The apartments were interesting in that they were a mix of historical furnishings, Shakespearean history and contemporary art – a special exhibit was going on with modern artists using the historical as their launch point for new works. It was all quite interesting , especially the

Original Tapestry...

historical perspective of where Hamlet came from. Unfortunately, I don’t remember all the details, but the basic plot derived from a Danish writer and that was the only reason for setting the play in Elsinor. There

Modern interpretation!

really was no other reason. In fact, there’s no reason to believe Shakespeare himself ever set foot in the castle. Most of what he knew about it, the historical details he put into the play, could easily have come from sailors who used to use the port as a trading area. So basically, the shipyards were the medieval Wikipedia.

After the apartments, it was still raining so I went to the chapel. Not the most impressive, I will say. It was one room and the only thing it really had going for it were ornate pew headers. Certainly not worth a separate admission. Honestly, it would have been a nice

In the chapel

gimme to visitors to let them see the chapel for free, you know, give something back (and you can tell them I said so).

The weather still hadn’t let up but I didn’t have anywhere else to go so up into the maritime museum I went. As a museum, it was okay. Some interesting tidbits but mostly it was model ships or Danish origin. The tower entrance was about halfway into the museum and, luckily, by the time I got to the top (again with the circular, narrow staircase) the rain had stopped so I was treated

From the tower...

to some spectacular views of the bay and the castle grounds. And since the rain HAD stopped, I figured when I went down, I could finally do some exploring of said grounds, which I did.

You have to admit, if you were a medieval king, you could do worse than living here. You had the ocean on one side, a nice town on the other and people paying to come through in either direction. Not a bad way to survive.

I decided it was getting late so I decided to hit the gift shop then head for home. I’m glad I went to the gift shop in the castle,

The Castle walls...

though, rather than waiting until I got into Helsingor since all the shops there specialized in alcohol and there wasn’t a Hamlet souvenir ashtray to found anywhere.

When I got back to Malmö, Malin and I went out for dinner to do a bit of translating for my project and then we riffed on magic and just chatted well into the evening (not the best idea since she had an early morning gig).

I can’t believe I forgot the best quote from my evening with Emanuel! At some point in the conversation, when we were talking about various cities and I had made mention of the fact that Los Angeles wanted your soul and Las Vegas wanted your money, he said San Francisco (where he was from) wanted your heterosexuality. It didn’t take a lot of detective work on my part to very quickly deduce that he was, in fact, gay. Now, this isn’t a big deal, obviously, but it did lead to the wonderful exchange where I told him it was a shame he was gay since he was missing out on the beauty that is Scandinavian women. At which point I was put in my place with a well-timed “Scandinavian men…mmmm hmmmm!”

Anyway, my last day in Stockholm and I was anxious to get to it. The first thing I wanted to do was get to the money museum, since it had been closed the day before. So I walked down the hill towards the town center, past the weird statue of a hand that I didn’t quite understand, and made my way to the palace. Okay, across from the palace. The museum was actually kinda neat, different than the one in Helsinki in that it didn’t have nearly as much text to read and a bit of a different slant, which is one of the reasons I really wanted to see it. The day before, over in the palace, one of the exhibits, right before the portrait hall, was on the various orders and medals the kings all wear. You know, you’ve seen those portraits and the guy in the tux is covered with sashes which have dangly bits all dripping down, right? That’s how you know he’s the king (contrary to what Monty Python

No... I don't know which order this was for either...

may say). So all those metal dangly bits are various orders the king belongs to and there are hundreds of different ones. I think the Swedes really enjoy their orders because it seems like every monarch created one or changed one or made himself the grand high poobah of one. There’s the order of the sword and the order of the lance and the sword of St. Michael the brave and the Order of St. Bailey the Courageous and the Star of St. Riley the Cute (I’m just using these as examples, aside from that first one I’m not sure any of them actually exist). I was fascinated by these and wanted a book explaining what they all were and how you got them and what the signified and all that but the only book they had was in Swedish (inconsiderate much?) and cost like 700 Kroner (like all Swedes are made of money – although if you got one of these Orders of the House of Fultonduenas medals you could probably afford the book to explain why you got it in the first place). They did tell me, however, that the money museum might have a book such as I was looking for since it was run by the department of engraving which makes the medals to begin with. So I’m excited.

First floor was a nice history of money, lots of displays with information I couldn’t read and thousands of neat looking coins. Second floor, though, we got to the medals and sure enough, there were a bunch. I took a picture of one I’m still trying to figure out. They also had the world’s heaviest coin up there. I lifted it. It was indeed heavy… about 20 kilos! And it’s square. I learned

Biggest. Coin. Ever!

all about square coins and how they are stamped in all four corners to show the various authorizing agencies and then in the middle to show value.

Afterwards, I expectantly hit the gift shop, looking for my book. No luck. They had the same selection as the palace gift shop so I will never know how I can become a member of the Order of the Underwood. My loss, really.

From there, I only had one more stop on my agenda – The Judiska Museet (Jewish Museum). This is NOT an easy place to find. I wandered around, map in hand for a good twenty minutes before I

Seriously? Would it hurt to add a LITTLE pizzazz?

finally noticed the little sandwich board sign propped up against the door point the way inside. This took the idea of a small, Swedish museum to a whole new level. It was three rooms, and one of those was the combination entry hall/cafeteria/introductory movie auditorium/gift shop! Of the othertwo, one was devoted to the permanent collection and one to a rotating exhibit, this time on the student rebellion of 1968 as well as the deportation of Jews from Poland after the war and their acceptance in Stockholm (yes, it seems like all European countries were offering asylum to the Jews

Self portrait with stars

after the war) and other places. The permanent exhibit consisted of a number of Jewish artifacts rescued from bombed out temples and the like. It was actually very interesting, but the thing which fascinated me the most were the two displays featuring the yellow “jood” stars.

Leaving there I stopped for lunch. I ordered what I thought was a shrimp sandwich. I was told to take a seat and it would be brought out. I was thinking that’s strange. This was something I pointed out in the window, shouldn’t be that hard to slap it on a plate. Oh yeah, and they failed to mention it came with tea or coffee until AFTER I’d paid for my Cola Light! Anyway, I’m sitting outside, enjoying the beautiful day, drinking my tea and coke, when the girl brings out a salad fit for a king (or a member of the Royal Order Of The Moveable Type). It was great! And I didn’t realize I’d been craving a salad until I took my first bite and then I just devoured the thing. I wish now I’d taken a picture of it, but my (admittedly weak) description will just have to do.

The Old Town

Heading back to the hostel to pick up my bag, I did one last card attraction, this elevator to a restaurant (it normally cost 40 Kroner). Like I said, it was a beautiful day so the scenery was

Beautiful day in Stockholm

spectacular! I got my bag and headed for the station. The journey started off just fine, but then, like on the way to Munich, there was a problem with the track so they were going to stop the train, put us on coaches to get us past the problem then back on another train and away we go.

Except…

Except there weren’t enough coaches to get everyone to the other station so I ended up waiting (with a pleasant group of fellow travelers) for about an hour for a bus to arrive, then another hour to get to the pick-up station and then we all waited… and waited.

Look at that delay...

All told, the train was almost 5 hours late. Instead of getting in just before 23:00 it arrived at 3:30am. Instead of getting met by Sonny at the train station and getting a ride to Malin’s house, I had to take a cab with a guy who told me it was his first day on the job. Yes, I felt like I was on Star Tours!

And when I did get to Malin’s, I woke her up (no keys) and then promptly fell fast asleep. It was good to be back in Malmö.

The morning came very early on my second day in Stockholm, not because I was ready to wake up, but because there were no blinds in the room. But that’s okay. The amazingly expensive hostel I was in came complete with a breakfast so I was able to go downstairs and have a nice, healthy meal of meat and bread and cheese and hardboiled eggs before going off to activate my Stockholm Card. My first stop was going to be the water ferry to take me across to this island where there were a number of museums I wanted to checkout. See, Stockholm is built on a number of islands, I think it’s 13 that make up the primary city, and there are water busses and taxis to get across easily. And My card is supposed to give me access… except not to the one nearby. It does give me free rides, but only from a certain spot and that spot was a hell of a walk from where I was, so I paid to get across.

First stop, a place called The Aquaria. I know, what a surprise, huh? But this place seemed kinda cool so in I went. It was set up

Fish at the Aquaria

in different climate zones, so the first section was an Amazon Rainforest. There was a back porch set and huge catfish swimming around, and piranha which they claimed weren’t as dangerous as people made them out to be but I choose not to believe them since the image of a hundred of the little buggers reducing a cow to bones in seconds is just way to cool to be false. The next section

Big catfish

was more of a dirty water education thing, where they had built a sewer you could climb down into and see how pollution affects things. Overall, it was small, but nice. This was the thing I was going to learn about Stockholm museums (and I saw a lot of them, I was determined to get my money’s worth out of that little card) is that they are all fairly small, so you can see a lot of them and they don’t really wear you out.

Of course, now that I’ve said that, my next stop was the Vasa Museum. The Vasa, not to be confused with Vaasa, was a state of the art battleship back in the 1600s which sank about 20 minutes into its maiden voyage. It sat on the bottom of the Stockholm harbor where, for some reason they explained a dozen times and I still didn’t quite get, it didn’t rot. So in the 60s they raised the thing, nearly intact, and threw it (carefully) into a

The figurehead at the prow of the Vasa

museum. It’s like when they used to have the Spruce Goose in Long Beach and it was just there and the majesty of it was almost overwhelming. When you walked into this museum and turned the corner after paying (which I didn’t do, I just flashed my card haha), the ship was just there. Huge and powerful and stuck in time. It really is hard to describe. The pictures don’t do it justice. It’s like when you see a whale in the ocean for the first time and you realize just how impressive it truly is. I literally stopped where I was and just stared. For a good ten minutes, I was riveted, just taking it in.

I couldn't get it all in one picture

I know I keep joking about being a pirate but seeing this ship really puts you there, you can smell the salt and sweat (okay, not that much sweat, it did only sail for twenty minutes). And the museum surrounding it not only covers the ship and its history, but a lot of information on the times it sailed as well. It was only one room, but it was a big room. I was there for a few hours and still didn’t see it all.

From there, I went to Junibacken, which is a museum in honor of Astrid Lindgren, who wrote Pippi Longstocking. Except she wrote so much more than that! I had no idea. Like when you first find out Ian Fleming also wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. This lady was remarkable. I definitely want to get more of her stories when I get back. Anyway, this museum has two parts, the first is a kids area, with giant playthings and set pieces a la Pippi and the other part is a ride like storybookland through Lindgren’s different tales. I will say, not knowing what it

Kids playing in Pippi-land

was when I went in, I felt kinda creepy surrounded by parents and all these little kids and here I was, a middle aged guy on my own. Like that circus place in Bratislava (only that place was worse).

By this point, I was starving so I tried to find food. Not so easy. But since I knew where I was

Floating Boat Museum - Largest Diesel Engine in Sweden!

headed, I just pointed myself in that direction and struck out. I did make a stop or two to climb aboard a museum ship and check out an amusement park, but eventually, food was found. Then it was off to Skansen, the open air museum.

The idea behind Skansen is that it’s a huge park and they’ve recreated an old village inside, complete with craftsman and period costumes and the like (the girl in the 16^th century dress, high tops and cell phone made laugh). They also have a zoo, an aquarium (which really isn’t an aquarium – more on that in a minute) a concert venue and a lot of green areas. It’s a spectacular area to visit, one of the most popular in Stockholm. And of course, it was included with my card. So I walked in and tried to decipher a map which, really, was no good at all. Here’s the secret to Europe (but don’t tell anyone): Everything is closer than you think it is but further than you want it to be. It’s like walking between hotels on the Strip in Vegas. You’d swear it’s just right there, but then, no, it’s a lot further away. Wait. It’s the complete opposite of that. Never mind, forget I said anything. Anyway, back to the map. I had it in my pocket and the place looked absolutely huge and overwhelming (thankfully, I’d eaten). So, naturally, I decided to go with my comfort zone and hit the thing I wanted to see first – That’s right, the Aquarium.

Thing with the Aquarium in Skansen is that it has an extra fee attached to it. Just paying to get into the park doesn’t cover you.

Lemurs!!!

Since I’d already seen an Aquarium earlier in the day, I was ready to just bypass it – but then I discovered it was included with my card (I’m starting to love this card!). And I’ll tell you, it would have been a huge mistake to miss this place. Remember how I said it wasn’t really an Aquarium? It’s not. It’s more like a roadside attraction zoo on steroids. First thing you see when you walk in is the Ring Tailed Lemur exhibit. This ain’t your Helsinki Zoo here, no siree. I walk in and immediately, I’m face to face with a Lemur. I mean he’s right there! I immediately grab some poor kid to take my

Me with Lemurs

picture before they realize this critter has escaped and is running wild. And then I realize… they know. In fact, I was walking right through the middle of the lemur’s habitat. They were walking on the stairs, hanging out on the railings, following you on the platform. You were in their space. It was amazing! I stayed in there longer than any other exhibit (well…almost, but we’re getting to that) and just watched them play.

Lemur's Day Off

There were times when I’d have staring contests and times when they’d ignore me. Then there was the one who thought it was great fun to lick himself on the stairs. The families nearby did a lot of covering their children’s eyes.

Moving on from there was an assortment of weird little (and not so little) creatures. There were alligators and spiders, naked mole rats and turtles. They also had the oddest sense of humor when

Check out the hand in the upper left

it came to their displays. There was a desert landscape with a rattlesnake and a skeletal hand. There was a huge dirt enclosure for chipmunks (and the only reason I’m not mocking the same way I mocked Finland is because these little guys were tough. Check out this fight):

And then there were the meerkats. Okay, meercats are just cool in general. We’ve all wondered about Meerkat Manor, right. Could a documentary/soap opera on the lives of Savannah-Based (Africa, not Georgia) rodents really be that interesting? You betcha! I stood for longer than I was with the lemurs and watched a group of these guys take care of a baby who was prone on the rocks. They would each take turns coming over, checking in, making sure the little guy didn’t fall into a crevice (and if he started to, they’d grab him and spin him

Helping the baby

Baby Meerkat

around so he’d be safe). At the end, the baby crawled into someone’s lap and then two others joined in and the three completely covered the sleeping Katlet. Cutest thing ever!

When I left the animals, I walked around the rest of the park. I saw the glass blower and passed the old bindery (which was closed, but I took pictures anyway). There was a small zoo there as well, but I didn’t see a lot of animals. By this time, it was getting late and I was tired. I headed back to the hostel where I was invited to join Elinor, her sister and some friends for Mama Mia (the film).

Jaq resting on another milestone...

At first I wasn’t going to go, instead I was going to stay home and write, but then I realized my new mantra (which I actually clarified the next night at dinner, but that will be in a different post, I’m sure) which is “Don’t let the writing get in the way of the experience.” So I went. The movie was fine (we’re not going to talk about Pierce Brosnan’s singing) but the best part was going to the candy store beforehand and picking out a bagful of what my friend Malin calls “Sneeze Candy.” It looks like American candy, but it’s not (It’s snot? I don’t think that’s what she means, but you guys would never forgive me if I let the joke slide). What it was, though, was a surprise in every mouthful. I’d reach into my bag in the middle of the movie, grab what I thought was chocolate but instead was a weird flavored thing. Or the chocolate which should have had a nice creamy center and instead was filled with something disgusting (and don’t worry Bailey and Riley, I have a feeling I’m gonna bring some Swedish candy home for you guys!).

After the movie we went out for a quick drink at this great little outdoor pub which overlooked the harbor, but we made it a relatively early night. I still had many places on my card left to see.

Pulling into Stockholm I was exhausted and excited. And an hour ahead. We gained an hour somewhere in the waterway between here and Finland. Pretty cool if you ask me. So I’d prebooked my Hostel, as I am want to do, and, armed with directions, I set about to find the place. Of course, the directions they proffer are from the central train station, not from the Ferry port, so I first need to make my way there. I do this, with a 20 kilo bag on my back. At the train station, I then find the bus which is going to take me towards the hostel. Not the easiest thing in the world, considering the size of the Stockholm train station, but find it I must so find it I do (I don’t know why I’m talking like this, except I’ve been grading papers all day and I feel the need for some pomposity). Anyway… I get to the hostel (two hours early) drop my bags and grab a map to go off and explore the day. As I look at the map to orient myself, I discover, much to my chagrin, the ferry port, where I entered this fair city 90-120 minutes earlier, is a ten minute walk from where I now stood.

That’s right… all I had to do was climb some stair and walk 50 meters and bang, hostel front door. Oh well, as has been pointed out, the European food is agreeing with me so the extra bit of exercise couldn’t hurt. Well, now I’m armed with a map and a very friendly hostel employee, Elinor, has directed me to a local movie theatre (Batman just opened here and I was dying!) so I head off.

The Gates to Old Town

The first piece of art I see in the beautiful city is a weird little man thumbing his nose at the world. How could I not love this

I don't know art but I know what I like...

place? I make my way to the Old Town, via the main shopping street where I find the first science fiction bookstore I’ve seen in Europe, and head towards the opera house. Right in front of the Opera is the launch point for a bus and boat city tour I had decided to take. I got there a little early (well, depend on how you look

My People!

at it – I missed the 10:30 departure and the 12:30 was still 90 minutes away), bought my ticket and went for a wander. I discovered that I had come to Stockholm right in the middle of Pride Festival! There were rainbow flags everywhere! Now, this wouldn’t be so bad, except it explained why my hostel was so freaking expensive! It also explained some of the weird window displays I’d been seeing.

I also had a nice look at the river and the palace, checked out where the Nobel museum was and even walked through the free part of the dance museum (odd place, it really was the ballet/ethnic dance museum). By that time, the bus was ready to be boarded (is that passive construction?) and I saw a good number of

Look at the flags

interesting sights. Mostly, though, it was a lay of the land kind of deal where I saw some of the things I wanted to go back and see again when I had more time and energy. The boat portion of the trip, while pretty, was kind of a waste of time. Not a whole lot of historical information (the lunch

View from the back of the boat

I’d gotten as part of my tour wasn’t enough to feed a super model) and we spent more time waiting for locks to open and close than we did actually seeing sights. Ah well. You live and learn, right?

On the boat, though, I did have a lovely conversation with a couple from back east in the states. Their daughter was over for some sort of martial arts competition/camp thing and they decided to come out and cheer her on. That’s me, though, huh? I can meet and talk

Right in the middle is one of the original Absolut Vodka Barrels

to anyone, anywhere. Certainly makes serendipity more frequent.

Afterwards, I went to the palace and while I was in line to buy tickets, I found out about the “Stockholm Card.” A number of European cities have these things – they’re like all access passes to the museums and public transportation. You can get them for a various number of days and in the past, it never seemed to be worth it, but for some reason, Stockholm called out to me. So I bought the three day card and then wondered what to do with myself. Now, you might think that

A palace guard

since I had this card, I would just start tearing through museums and riding willy nilly on the local busses and subways, right? Wrong. See, it’s good for 72 hours from the first use and I figured that if I didn’t use it the day I bought it, I would still be good for transport on my last day. So, card in hand, I walked to the movie theatre and watched Batman (which I will be seeing again back in Vegas) then headed to the hostel for some well deserved sleep.

Was thinking about this place for breakfast...

So I got up bright and early and headed down to Turku on the 6:22 train. The idea was to spend the day in Turku and then hop on the ferry to Stockholm. As plans went, it was a pretty good one. I said good bye to Antti and Tiina and got aboard. I’m gonna miss them.  For as much as they complained about Vaasa being a small, boring village, I had an absolute blast there.

Oh yeah, I should probably tell you that in Finnish, my name would be Jakke (pronounced something like Yakea) but I chose a Finnish name for myself, Pelle, which means “clown.” So when Tiina has kids, I’ll be seta Pelle (Uncle Clown). I like that.

Anyway, I try to write on the train, get a little bit done, then promptly fall asleep. Not a bad thing, really, but there you have it. A few hours later, we pull into Turku, a port city, and I set out to find the port. Of course, in order to get to the port, one must first walk to the town center and take a bus. The thing with European towns, almost no matter the size (as long as they are actually towns or cities or villages and not a small collection of homes along a main road), is that they all have a town center. Anywhere you go, if you follow signs, maps, old women on the street, and ask for “Centrum” you will go to the main area and from there, you can get almost anywhere else you need to be. Kinda convenient and completely unlike any of the places I’ve ever lived (besides, perhaps, Salt Lake City, but I don’t really count that – not going back to Utah). So I’m in the Center, I catch a bus to the Viking Line terminal and buy a ticket for the evening’s ferry. I have a choice here. I can get a cabin for something like 190 Euro or just a ticket for 40. I get the ticket. I drop my big bag and wait for the bus back to town. While I’m waiting, I see this big brick building, but think nothing of it. It isn’t until I’m on the bus and ask that I discover the brick building is the Turku Castle, which,

Turku Castle

I’m told, is the ONE thing I must see. But, I figure, it’s by the port so I’ll catch it on the way back.

So I take the bus back to the center, where there’s an information office, grab a map of the area, find some quick food for lunch and head to the library to do a quick email check (and take care of my class). The library in Southern Finland is quite nice! They have an art display up of rock and roll photos which is very cool. Naturally, though, I pick the seat next to the Tourette’s sufferer who keeps shouting (not obscenities, but just grunts and wordless outbursts. Makes getting anything done slightly difficult. I felt like a character in “Harrison Bergeron.” Finally I decide to just wander back towards the ferry dock, going along the channel

Sculpture along the channel

and stopping by the castle before boarding the boat for the night.

Turku is a pretty place, but I certainly didn’t get any type of feel for it as a town. I’d met a German girl in Helsinki (gotta love the international-ness of Europe, huh) who was working there as a nanny and said it was great, but I didn’t have the time to really hit more than the highlights. But

I love tall ships

those I did hit. Along the water there was a small craft faire which had some nice stuff (mom, you would have loved some of the wooden utensils) and some scenery. I checked my map and guide book to make sure of opening times for the castle and knew I was going to make it in plenty of time.

It’s a very well preserved castle, too. Huge, with a working chapel. I took the guided tour, which provided a bit of history, and then had a wander around on my own. There were two parts of the building, one part, the older looking, typical castle-like structure, was restored to various periods of time. The upper floors were

Chapel inside the Castle

medieval while the lower floors were later. Both were time periods when the castle was in use, so it made sense. In the other part, though, the more livable area, was set up in various dioramas of a mix of

St. George and the Dragon iside the Castle

archaeological restoration of the ancient dwellers of the area and the inhabitants circa 1890s. Weird.

Afterwards, I still had time so I went to the maritime museum as well. This also was done in two parts. The first part was mostly old boats set up like those boat shoes they have at the convention center. The kind I used to love to go to when I was little and could dream about how cool it would

Boat show

be to live on a boat. This was before I realized how absolutely sea sick I get. The second part was various rooms, each with a little bit about the maritime history of Turku or Finland, including a room devote to outboard motors and one for shipwrecks and disasters.

I'm helping!

By the time I finished there, it was time to grab a bite to eat then get ready for the ferry, which was late anyway. We boarded an hour late and took off fairly quickly, heading for Stockholm. Now here’s the problem with not booking a cabin: you have to sleep wherever you can. So I ended up on a bench in the bar. I’d scoped it out earlier as being one of the few places where there was an outlet for the computer and when I started getting tired, I just packed everything up, used my backpack as a pillow and crashed out. Not the most comfortable night I’ve had on this trip, that’s for sure. Add to that, we lost an hour coming over to Sweden and it made

The room of outboard motors...

for a fairly miserable voyage. But hey, when I woke up, we were in Stockholm, the capitol of Scandinavia!

I wasn’t sure what could top our evening spent watching the Finnish Navy so it was with great trepidation I awoke the next day. I wondered: What more could Vaasa have in store?

Well… The day itself was an ordinary day. Tiina and I headed to the mall where we went book shopping (we found, after being told it didn’t exist in the store, a Finnish copy of Alice in Wonderland but it was rather pricey and heavy so I didn’t get it) and then we went to lunch at a place called Amarillo. That’s right, I went all the way to central coastal Finland to have Tex-Mex! Wasn’t bad, either. But you’d really be amazed at how much Americanization is taking place all over Europe. As much as our politics and leaders are reviled, deep down, it seems like the American Business Model is the standard by which everything else is set. We make money and that’s a good thing. There’s some interesting stuff going on in the Eastern Bloc with communism and how it’s killed the drive and ambition of the citizens.

Anyway, lunch was good and then we met up with Antti and Jussi. It was raining out and we didn’t know what we were going to do. Then someone mentioned The Bridge.

You remember the bridge, right? We saw it on the expensive boat ride to the bar – the largest bridge in Finland (which, in a country of 60,000 lakes and waterways and stuff, is nothing to sneeze at). Yeah, that bridge. So the story behind the bridge is that it connects the mainland with a large island (the other side of which is only about 30-40 kilometers away from Sweden). There used to be a ferry which covered the distance but an assemblyman or some other sort of well to do politico who lived on said island didn’t want to wait for the ferry so he did whatever it is politicians do and voila (which is French…er…Freedom, not Finnsh) a bridge was built.

Finding the bridge can pose a slight problem if you don’t have a GPS… or eyes, really. There’s only one road out of town and

The Bridge looms

that road leads right over the bridge. Honestly, you can’t miss it, even in the rain. You don’t even have to worry about looking for landmarks in the Finnish countryside because, as Antti will tell you, there are none. There’s trees and… trees. It looks like Alaska or Northern Canada (ironic, really, since they are both at the same latitude).

So, there we were, four wet people in a car and we’re driving over a bridge. We’re also getting hungry. Being the American (and yes, I’ve used the phrase “In America, a 100 years is a long time and in Europe, 100 miles is a long way” so many times I’m thinking of having it tattooed on my belly and just lifting my shirt at the appropriate time), I ask about the Ferry to Sweden. My thought is that we can maybe hop across the Gulf of Bothinia (which, I’ll admit, I just looked up) and grab a bite then come back. After all, we are going across the bridge so why not go all the way? Nope, I’m informed the ferry doesn’t run that often from here and what

A ghost ship in the fog...

am I, crazy? Fair enough.

By now, we are approaching the bridge. The rain is coming down in buckets, it’s hard for the car’s windshield wipers to clear it fast enough. Being the tourist (different, yet similar, to being the American) I whip out my camera to take a picture, timing it so I catch in between wipes when Antti stops the car in the middle of the road.

“There’s no one else here, we can stop for a picture,” he says. So I take my picture and we continue on. The bridge is looming ahead of us, coming out of the fog like a ghost ship in a John Carpenter movie. When we finally get on the bridge, there’s

Closer now...

nothing to be seen on either side, the rain is too thick.

We drive on.

There it is, The first support tower… then the second. Then dry land. We’re off the bridge and on the island! We all breathe a sigh of relief. I think we’re all feeling a bit like the cast of Scooby Doo and we’ve just escaped from Zombie Island (although in that scenario, Antti would be Fred, Tiina would be Daphne, Jussi would be Shaggy which makes me… Velma – strike that analogy, I’ll come up with a better one soon). Once across, we all look at each other. What now? What great adventures await on the other side of the bridge?

About two kilometers further, Antti sees something we don’t and turns the car sharply onto a side street. What’s this? We’re in Europe after all. Maybe there’s a castle, a church, the home of the assemblyman who built the bridge? The car keeps turning like Linda Blair’s head. It completes the cycle, having gone a full 180 degrees before straightening out. What’s this? What’s happening?

“Well, that’s the bridge, nothing else to see here, let’s go back and eat.”

NO… that can’t be the end of our bridge adventure! I haven’t taken nearly enough photos for my blog I complain (that’s a post modern device, being self-referential like that) so we stop at a gas station to get a good look at a map and figure out exactly where

The Map... where are we...?

we are in relation to the rest of Finland. I admit, I was hoping for a Stephen King moment where the “you are here” arrow pointed to somewhere in the middle of the water or something but no, it showed us exactly where we were, the bridge looming big just next us.

We continue on…As we approach the bridge again, something draws our attention, something we had seen on the outbound journey but now seemed more ominous. Berny’s… a diner located under the bridge. No one in the car had ever been there, just heard the rumours, whispered silently around town. We lamented the rain for it might have been a good place to stop if only it were open… but then, maybe not. Who knows what lurks at Berny’s? Were we the crazy kids to stop him from getting away with it? I didn’t know if we should find out.

Outside Berny's - Art? or a warning?

We got closer. There was a car in the parking lot. Two. Through the fog we could make out several vehicles. “Let’s stop,” someone called out (it might have been me, it might have been Jussi – either way we wondered if it was a decision we would regret. Antti deftly maneuvered the car amongst the others and found a spot near the water front. I knew we couldn’t all be crazy since there, just outside the driver’s side window, standing in the pouring rain, was a man with a camera, pointing his lens into the fog. Was this the future we were seeing? Was this some sort of vision of me, coming back to warn myself not to get out of the car? Was it just another daft tourist?

We opened our doors slowly, waiting for the right moment, then ran like demons through the downpour, hoping the door wasn’t locked. It wasn’t. Inside the building was lit with hideous

Pretty sure this one is art...

fluorescents, accenting every flaw. The patrons already in looked at us suspiciously. If this were the UK I would have expected them to warn us to stay on the path and not go into the moors. As it was summertime in Finland, they just ignored us, but they did it ominously! There were a few open tables, so we grabbed one, hoping to get some food. It wasn’t THAT kind of a place. Sure, there was an actual restaurant, but it was long closed (about an hour at that point) so we were left with the café, coffee and danishes. Tiina had a dessert pancake. We assumed the girl behind the counter was Berny’s daughter. “Is she on the menu,” wondered

The Scooby Gang

Jussi.

In the end, we left with our sanity intact and only some wet clothes and photographs to show for our passing. I looked behind us as we once again crossed the bridge and watched as Berny’s disappeared into the rain soaked night. Had it really ever existed at all? Only time will tell…

The Bridge in reverse...

The way my time in Europe has been going, I just roll with the adventures. If someone or something comes along and suggests something, unless there’s a reason, I go with it. With Tiina and Antti, they had several things they wanted to show and do so I put myself in their hands and let myself see a Vaasa I’m sure very few others get to see.

With that in mind, on Sunday, Antti had gotten ticket the Housing Exhibition. Of course, when he said this, my first thought was “home and garden show.” And while I wasn’t terribly excited, they seemed to be so I put on my game face and we headed out.

Turns out, the Housing Exhibition is a home and garden show re-envisioned by Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor. It’s held every year somewhere in Finland and this year happened to be Vaasa’s turn. The city hosting usually works on it for several years prior

Heading in to the Exhibition

because what they end up doing is actually building a neighborhood! All the different housing developers in the country each build a house and fill it with state of the art products (I saw a toilet with a control panel Mr. Spock would have had trouble figuring out - thankfully the button for ‘enema’ was in English!). You’ve heard of concept cars? These were concept houses. It was impressive, except the penthouse on top of a 6 story apartment building which looked like it hadn’t been started yet. This was also a place where I discovered a difference between me and the Finns. Of course, when I say “me” I’m actually referring to ME not to Americans in general. Yeah, I got yelled at by Antti because as we were coming down in the elevator after looking at this unfinished mess of a construction site (and had queued for the priveledge) I said something to the other people in the elevator about being disappointed. They kinda mumbled something back. Now, you all

look at the name - made me laugh

know me (and if you don’t, you will after reading all the entries herein) and I’ll strike up a conversation with anyone at anytime but when we got off the elevator and were alone Antti explained that in Finland, “we don’t talk to other people.” I knew they didn’t talk to other people in the winter time, but this was summer, right? So no more talking to other people (for the day – I can’t NOT talk to people). The three of us, though, since we already knew each other, had some great conversations about housing (and windows since Antti’s company supplied a number of the homes’ windows and doors) and the Finnish market, paid entirely too much for parking and then Tiina had an idea for what to do next. After lunch she wanted to take a cruise around the archipelago.

Tiina and Antti on the boat

See, Vaasa, and the western portion of Finland, is part of a huge island chain called an archipelago and there was a cruise which took you through some of the prettier parts and then to a small bar only accessible by boat (are you getting the impression the Finns take their water sports

A fine summer day in Finland...

seriously?). I thought it sounded great so off we went.

The ride itself was slightly uneventful. We did see the largest bridge in Finland (which I only mention to get it into your heads – it will come back in another adventure) and some fantastic scenery. There was only one time, though, that the captain said anything (a bit of trivia) and then the stop at the bar was an hour and twenty minutes. Thirteen Euro for a trip to a bar seemed a little steep to me, but it was still fun and I got some great pictures out of it. The payoff,

self portrait with anchor

though, came when we were almost back to port.

In the distance, a Finnish naval ship appeared and started heading in our direction. Naturally, everyone took pictures and pondered it as a curiosity object. After we docked, though, the ship came closer, eventually pulling in directly behind the ship we’d just come off. Even though we had to try and get to the store to get food, we stayed and watched the circus that is the navy docking a ship.

Now don’t get me wrong. I fully respect the boys in the military and I support the job they do, but these guys were hysterical. They come into the pier all formal, everyone standing at parade rest as the ship comes to stop. Then

The Finnish Navy

the docking crews get to work. Everyone has a job to do and boy, do they set about doing it. First you’ve got the guys tying the boat down. It takes two or three guys per station (thick, heavy rope here) but even then they don’t get it right and have to untie it once or twice before it’s made fast.

But the best part was the barricade. A side hatch opens and a couple of guys emerge carrying flat, rubber octagons with circular holes in the middle. The proceed to walk the length of the ship, casually tossing these things down as they go. We, of course, are watching in rapt attention. What are these and what are they for? One of our answers comes when the guys disappear back into the hold of the ship and re-emerge with orange poles which, it so happens, fit right into the circular holes. Ahhh… we say. They’re going to put up some sort of barricade (which naturally leads to speculation about who they could possibly be carrying on board). Then they start lining up the poles and the rubber bases. There’s a guy at one end of this row of about 15 poles and he’s directing the guy at the other end (about 50 meters away) which way to nudge the pole until it lines up. I look down at the surface they are working on and immediately realize they have a tiling pattern and really, all they have

Me and the boys...

to do is start at one end and follow the straight line of the paving bricks and it’d be done in 30 second.

But nope. Why do it easy when you can do it hard. We couldn’t take too much of this so we left before they had finished. We never did find out who the special cargo was. Any guessed? Best answer gets a special postcard.

My time in Vaasa started in Tampere, Finland’s 3^rd or 4^th largest (and fastest growing) city. It is a two hour train ride from Helsinki and I stepped onto the platform and immediately spotted Tiina. I was worried about that. I mean, I had spent just a couple of hours with Tiina and Antti and that was several days before, so I was nervous about recognition. I shouldn’t have been. I saw her, called her name (which I almost never pronounced exactly right) and then we met up with Antti, who was at the other end of the platform.

After quick hellos, I was informed we had a busy day planned. See, they live in Vaasa, which is about 3 hours away from Tampere, they just happened to be there for Antti’s work (despite having a degree in marketing, right now he’s selling windows and doors and doing quite well at it) and visiting Tiina’s sister who lives there. Of course, the trip to Vaasa was not the first item on our list. Oh no, our first stop was Sarkanniemi, an amusement park a few minutes from the train station.

Sarkanniemi is the amusement park version of San Francisco’s Palace of Fine Art. It has everything you could possibly want from an amusement park. In addition to adult roller coasters, there were kiddies rides, an observation tower with rotating restaurant,

Jumping Dolphin

aquarium, planetarium and a dolphin show, which was our first stop. Oh yeah, did I mention we didn’t have to pay to get in (okay, two of us didn’t) since Tiina works for another amusement park called Wasalandia and they have an agreement giving employees two free passes. So she and I got the wrist bands and Antti just bought a ticket for the dolphin show but was able to walk the rest of the park with us.

The dolphin show was really a lot of fun. It was inside (remember, in the wintertime, this place gets very cold, dark and snowy) and, unlike American dolphin shows, really just focused on the tricks the dolphins can do, including high jumps, jumps through hoops and juggling (Yup, the dolphin and trainer did a two mammal juggling routine).

From the dolphin show, we went up the tower so I could get a nice overview of the town (city? I t was too big to be a village but

View from up top

then I’m really not clear where the distinction lies – where does a hamlet become a village become a town become a city become New York?) It’s lovely. Even though I really never saw more than the park and train station from ground level, Tampere has the kind of feel of a place you could live (and Iron Maiden was playing there THAT night so you know they get the big concerts!). Back on the ground, Tiina and I hit a couple of coasters while Antti waited. The first was a decent suspended job with a loop and a nice tunnel but the second, Trombi, was one where you were suspended in a horizontal position, like you were flying. It was awesome! I’d been so excited by watching the people get on and off and seeing how the ride positioned you that I completely missed the part of the ride itself where you spin upside down…until I was on the ride and doing it. It’s been a while since I was surprised by a coaster.

Once it started raining, though, we figured we should make the long drive back to Vaasa. We made it in good time, with only a

The Finnish Countryside

couple of stops along the way, including one at Hesburger (a fast food chain trying to horn in on McDonald’s action and producing better food to do it – with the burgers. Nothing beats the American Mickey D’s fries). In Vaasa, before we made it to the apartment, we made a stop at Wasalandia. That night there was a big rock festival in Vaasa (for those who couldn’t get tickets to the Iron Maiden concert in Tampere) and Tiina had a couple of free tickets in her office at work, so we had to stop by there. Of course, by the time we arrived, it was near closing so the place was nearly deserted.

me, Antti and Tiina on the log ride at Wasalandia

Wasalandia is a kid’s park. It is designed for the pre-teen set and let me tell you, if Bailey and Riley had been with me, it would have been hard to get them to leave. All of the rides, even the big, exciting ones, are kid size. We jumped on a log ride (I don’t remember what their version was called) and I got wet sitting in front (and no, it didn’t matter it was kid sized, the flume still scared me). Then Tiina grabbed the tickets and we finally made it back to the apartment to unload my bags and to continue the Finnish experience.

Let’s talk about the Finnish experience, huh? I learned quite a bit about Finland (Suomi) in the few days I spent there. And one of the things I learned was that all Fins enjoy their sauna (pronounced sow-na). So when we got my bags upstairs, Antti came in and said it was time for sauna and we would be meeting some friends there (it was in a different part of the apartment complex). Then he handed me a towel and told me sauna was done naked and you get beaten with a thing called a “bath whisk,” which was made from the leaves and branches of a tree in the yard.

Of course, I think Antti is pulling my leg (and, as my friend Tom says, “be thankful that’s the only thing he’s pulling”) but hey, I’m willing to risk it. So I grab the towel and wrap it around my naked body, throw on a borrowed pair of crocs and head out into the Finnish evening (okay, it’s about 8pm and it’s bright as midday – longitude wise we’re closer to the arctic circle than we are the Canadian border). Antti is wearing a robe so I’m still not certain he’s going to be bearing it all and Tiina has a bikini on under her towel and I don’t know if that’s coming off, but I have no recourse. I’ve left the house in nothing but borrowed linen. I start to feel better when we get to the sauna and I see three guys sitting outside, also wearing towels. They smile warmly when we walk up and greetings are exchanged. I am introduced to two of Antti’s oldest friends, Jussi and Vesa and Vesa’s friend Peltsi. Again, I don’t know what’s under their towels, but I’m starting to feel a little better about this. After introductions, we go and rip branches off the tree to make the “bath whisk” (evidently, this is being done in my honor and is not a normal part of their itinerary – not that it’s not done, just not every time). So, branches in hand, we head into the sauna. In the ante room, where there are hooks for towels, towels start getting hung up and guess what? everyone is just a little bit naked (except Tiina, who does, in fact, stay in her bikini). Suddenly, I feel like I’m back in 7^th grade gym class. But I dutifully hang up my towel and gamely walk into the dark sauna.

It’s freaking hot in there!

80 degrees Celsius (Bailey, Riley, can one of you do the math and figure out how hot that is in Farenheit?) and it is NOT a dry heat. Nope, that’s the entire point of a sauna. In fact, there’s a big box of rocks and someone has thoughtfully brought a bucket of water which gets splashed on the rocks, sending gales of steam into the room (which is closed, trapping the heat inside). I describe this for the benefit of anyone who has never been in a sauna. In other cultures, this process might be referred to as “taking a sweat” or “having a schvitz.” It really doesn’t matter how you cut it, you sweat a lot and while it does clean out your pores and your sinuses, it’s not something you can do for long stretches of time (which is why the other guys were outside

Peltsi, Vesa, Antti and Jussi at the festival (sorry, no pictures from the sauna)

when we walked up). I’m feeling the pinch after a few minutes but Vesa, who looks like Dana Carvey’s cool younger brother, has proclaimed the first to leave has to buy beer for the rest of the night. Now, I’m not taking any risks. I wasn’t sure about the whole naked thing and that proved true so I wasn’t about to be the first out the door. Oh yeah, and lest I forget, there was indeed beatings with the “whisk.” I hate to admit it, but it actually felt good. If those religious fanatics where beating themselves in a sauna, I can kinda see the attraction.

After an hour or so (and four trips in and out of the heat) it’s time for bed – wait what? Not bed? I’ve been up for 14 hours, been to two amusement parks, a two hour train ride, three hour car ride and been naked with five almost complete strangers. I’d say I’d had a pretty full day already. But no. Remember those rock festival tickets we went to Wasalandia to pick up? They were for tonight. So we all dry off and pile into Antti’s car and head over to the festival grounds.

The only problem is that Tiina only has two tickets and there’s six of us. A decision is made, in Finnish, that Tiina and I are the ones going in and the rest will stay out in the field and drink. Ironically, there are more people outside than in. It’s been a while

My rock and roll attitude

since I’ve been to a festival so I don’t know if that’s normal or not, but out in front of the gates was where the party was happening. It may have something to do with the fact that Yngwie Malmsteen was the headliner (and if you don’t know who he is, be proud of yourself). The only other person on the bill I’d heard of was a guy named Tony Carey who used to be in a band called Planet P (and yes, I have two of his songs on my iPod). We got there as he was playing and Tiina and I walked into the tent just in time to hear him do one of the songs I knew. We stayed through a bitch session at the crowd and bad cover of a blues song before we decided to get back to our friends.

Somewhere in the course of conversation outside, it comes out that Peltsi actually wanted to see Yngwie. If he’d said something earlier, we would have given him a ticket and he could have exchanged it for the wristband which actually gets you inside. Unfortunately, those bands were now snug on my and Tiina’s wrists. Not for long if I and Vesa have anything to say about it. He and I spend the next ten minutes trying to get this thing free and after a fight that would’ve made Hemingway proud, we succeeded. Peltsi didn’t have as much trouble slipping it on his wrist and he went in to hear his guitar hero play.

And the night still wasn’t over! Before we finally made it home, we went out for late night pizza and a trip to Antti’s sister’s house (and we picked up a second Tiina, so now we had seven people in the car – yeah, I was reliving high school). It was an amazing night…and that was only day one in Vaasa. I was afraid of what the next few days were going to bring.

Bic Mac Economics

Friday in Helsinki… Both Tommy and Jennica are at work and then going to an Iron Maiden concert (it was sold out, months ago, in 17 minutes or I would have gone along – approximately 1% of the population of Finland had tickets) so I was pretty much on my own for the day. I figured I was in a world capitol, I might as well do a little exploring. First stop – The Money Museum!

This is a brand new place, just opened. It’s a small museum, but jam packed with information, too much in fact (no pun intended). There’s WAY too much reading for such a small space. It’s fascinating, sure, but after a few minutes, you just get overwhelmed. I would have bought a book to read it all on my own, but they didn’t have one. What they did, have, though, was some serious Jaq validation. That’s right, remember the Big Mac theory from way back in Munich? Well guess what? Some top notch economists had the same theory. So I’m smarter than I thought I was! (of course, when I mentioned this to Jennica and Tommy later that day, they said they had learned about in school and everyone knew the Big Mac theory so I didn’t feel as smart – it was a Flowers For Algernon moment but that’s okay, I still felt validated and you get the pictures.

Zoo sign

From there I did what I always do… I went to the zoo. I really don’t know what my fascination with zoos is, but I feel compelled to check them out. And I should learn better not to go to the zoo in the middle of the afternoon because all the animals are sleeping. I mean once you’ve seen a tiger or a lion crashed out you’ve pretty much seen them all. I’m sure to other lions and tigers there are differences, but to us mere humans, honestly, they look pretty darn similar. So here I go to another zoo. This one, though, is on an island and you have to take a ferry to get there. That’s right, another ferry! And I got the student price, so I saved 5 Euro (Student pricing is weird here. Some places just accept I’m a student, some want to see my ID and will accept or reject it randomly and some won’t accept anything other than an International Student card).

So I get to the zoo, get off the boat and get ready to see the many exotic animals Finland’s largest city has to offer. I get to the first enclosure and look in expectantly. What do I see? Bunny rabbits. They’re cute and all, but I didn’t see a sign proclaiming it feeding time and I certainly don’t know what kind of a critter they’re feeding live bunnies to but hey, maybe they do things

Bunnies at the zoo... who's hungry?

differently in Finland. Then I see it, off in the corner, the sign telling what kind of animals are supposed to be in this enclosure. I walk over, hoping I can read the Finnish or Swedish (both languages are official) to discern the name of the beast. Thankfully, there’s an English language

Rabbits on display

name written in large letters on the bottom – RABBIT.

Yeah, all the way to Finland, further north than anywhere in the contiguous United States, take a ferry to an island and the first animal I come across is the domestic bunny. It’s not even a Reindeeralope (distant cousin of the Jackalope). Nope, just the same little (not even lop-eared) bunny you can get at a regular pet store. My hopes for a decent zoo were diminishing fast.

To be fair, The rest of the zoo was okay. It wasn’t great mind you, but decent. A number of the animals were hidden from view due to the fact it was 2 in the afternoon, and hot for Finnish standards. There was a bear running around and a seal lounging in the shallows of his enclosure. The skunk exhibit had no skunk but an interactive area where the particular scent of the stripped one could be sampled. Being that it was on an island, there were some great picnic areas overlooking the surf and a “bird’s nest” observatory from which one could see over the whole area.

I took the paddlewheel ferry back to the harbor and began heading for home. Since it was still early, I knew no one would be there so I thought I’d walk a bit and explore more of the city. I was trying to find Plague Park but I failed. Instead, I wandered through the esplanade and then through a shopping street and finally found myself in front of the train station. I went in and booked my ticket for the next day to Tampere and then continued on. That was when I found myself walking through the doors of Kiasma, the Helsinki Museum of Modern Art.

It was a funky place (really, would expect less from a modern art museum?) just big enough to let you enjoy it leisurely without being overwhelming. As is the case with any museum, I enjoyed some of the pieces and didn’t understand others. But this is where Kiasma differed from other museums. It knew you weren’t going

The Post it wall

to get it all and turned that into part of the art itself. In two places, there were big bulletin boards covered with post-it notes in all sorts of colors. Pre-printed on the

Post-It Wall (detail)

notes, in several different languages across the top (one language per) were the words “I don’t quite get it…” leaving the rest for you to fill in and add to the wall. I loved it. At the end, when I was leaving, I walked past a display sign covered in little circle stickers with a “K.” These were your admission tickets and the patrons, as they were walking out the door, covered this sign with them, creating a Seurat inspired collage of a piece of Hockney drip art.

Covered in entry stickers

I made it home after I expected to (I got lost on the tram – okay, not on the tram itself, they’re not that big, but on which tram I chose to take), just in time to say goodbye to Jennica and Tommy as they were leaving for Iron Maiden (and may I say, seriously, I haven’t seen so many Iron Maiden shirts around a city since 1985 – this may be good or bad depending on your view of Iron Maiden shirts and/or Helsinki). When they were gone, it left me and Donna home alone together. Oh wait, I’ve completely forgotten to mention Donna

My girl Donna

haven’t I? Donna is Jen and Tommy’s dog, an adorable girl with eyes the size of Montana and sadder than Uncle Uris at a wedding. She and I had a great evening, hanging out and making sandwiches. Yes, I made the sandwiches, but she played me good with those eyes and ended up with more people food than she was probably supposed to have. That’s okay,

that’s what Uncle Jaqs are for, to spoil the little ones.

After the concert, Tommy and Jennica and I went for traditional Finnish late night cuisine (I had the salmon soup) and talked well into the early morning. I got a few

Tommy dropping me off at the train station

hours sleep before Tommy and Donna drove me to the train station so I could go to Tampere and met up with Antti and Tiina and the wonder that is Vaasa.